My Wedding
My wedding
Time has come to organize a wedding: mine. After so many years of listening to my family complain about my marital status, I found my soul mate: me! Isn’t that amazing? There are people who spend a lifetime trying to find themselves and yet never meet; it took me 35 years, not bad for a girl who has traveled a lot and to whom geography has always opposed, right?
We met a long time ago, but we found each other as adults; I won’t go into detail, but she's the one. And, as could not have been otherwise, the deal is always closed with a ring, so I put on my Italian shawl, the highest heeled shoes I could find in the closet, and I asked Dolce & Gabbana to go with me, in other words, three quarters of perfume on my shoulders.
Of course, the chosen store was Tiffany & Co. I had so many candidates who went dutch that I feeling that this goes for all of them, too. Education and feelings, guys, something you couldn’t achieve. I went into the store on Post street and the young shop assistant asked me very kindly what I was looking for. Suddenly, my eyes sparkled with happiness and the innocence of a woman who embarks on a new path, and I told her: an engagement ring.
—Oh, very well! Congratulations! Do you know what you are looking for or has your fiancé reserved it?
—Fiancée.
—Ah, sorry! Fiancée…
—No problem, after all we’re in San Francisco… guessing people’s inclinations must be a pretty big challenge for a store like this. The girl, in addition to being embarrassed and inexperienced, didn’t know the ring was just for me and that the wedding vows would come from just one hand: the right one.
—Look, I’ll tell you this; I’m marrying myself and I’ve decided to celebrate it with a diamond ring, so let’s go little by little because everything comes out of a single pocket: OK?
I think that in the history of Tiffany & Co. you’ve heard that a girl about my age wants to mortgage her life for a ring, but isn’t it the most important act of our whole existence: the celebration of impeccable coexistence? Aha! Well, let’s celebrate it, then!
—Wow, this has never happened to me since I started working here, but I think it’s a bright idea!
—No darling, bright is the stone that is going to pay off our love.
—Great! I totally agree with you. What kind of gold are you looking for?
—White, of course, as my soul.
When she takes out the tray of platinum bands with my retirement pension on top, I automatically feel a connection to the ring on the left side of all possible gifts.
—This one! -I shouted, pointing at my future. -How much is it?
—$12,600.
It was to be expected, I’m not a girl to be taken lightly, it is all or nothing with me. —Cute; maybe another one a little cheaper?
—We have rings ranging from $1,500 to $ 50,000… it is your decision, basically.
—Look, it’s very clear that I’m worth the $50,000 one, but I must save a little for the party and the honeymoon. I don’t want a ring to leave me somewhere in Kathmandu absolutely penniless, you know?
—Great, let me show you the $6,000 ones; tell me if you like any of them; the diamonds are smaller, so the price is lower.
I don’t know the short young lady, but I already love her… from 12 to 6… In a minute, she reduced the price by half, that’s what I call negotiation.
—I like this one; how much is it?
—You have chosen the most expensive one from this wide selection, it costs $ 6,450.
—Sorry, but I have very good taste, as you may have already noticed.
—Yes, actually marrying yourself says it all! (laughter)
Besides being a lovely saleswoman, she is a perceptive and a clever negotiator, three talents which are about to ruin my finances.
—If you do not mind, could I ask you a personal question?
This girl must be between 21 and 24 years old, how personal could a question be when she’s been on this planet for such a short time?
—Of course dear, “personal” is all I’ve got.
—If you put an engagement ring on your finger, aren’t you afraid that men think you’re married and never come close to you again?
I sighed deeply and tried to be cautious about her innocence; I put my hand on her shoulder and said, ―Honey, it’s very likely that by having one I get luckier than if I didn’t. You don’t need to understand this perversity, but the world outside Tiffany can be very cruel, which is why I recommend you keep selling rings and never leave this room.
The girl didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but the truth is that this future wife gave her a free lesson in exchange for $6,500. I may have not known how to negotiate with my past, but my present has a signet ring on my finger which says that nobody or nothing could ever make me happier than myself. Now, please, don’t expect the party to be this year because, between my house in front of the sea and my wedding, I am waxing my legs in the bathroom to cut costs and lock myself up until next winter.